Posted by: commissioner | July 27, 2009

Drew Bennett Singlehandedly Creates New Points Category

drew bennettDrew Bennett has done something so rare that it’s caused this commissioner to add an entirely new PQE (point qualifying event) for our little Fantasy Unsports game.  What did he do?  He retired three days after signing with a team.

That was fast.

Drew Bennett enjoyed a brief run at the top with Tennessee, where he racked up one of the best three-game stretches for any receiver ever.  Other than that… he’s probably destined to be most known for this new act.

Check the points page now for the new item:  “Athlete retires less than a week after signing – 45 points”

Posted by: commissioner | July 27, 2009

T.O. Says Goodell Should Experience Jail – 25 Points

Terrell_OwensT.O. says NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell should reinstate Michael Vick immediately.  He thinks Vick has “done the time” for his crime and that the commissioner is just hating.  He even suggested that Goodell should go to jail for about 23 months to see what it’s like.

T.O. is wise beyond his years, folks… surely you knew this already.  But while his wisdom may be obvious, his comments were still critical of the commish–netting 25 points for any squad that has T.O. on it (too bad the season hasn’t started yet, because those points don’t count).

Tune in tomorrow when T.O. says something silly again.  I would seriously consider putting this moron on your roster, because it’s looking like an entire season of hilarity (and points).

Posted by: commissioner | July 21, 2009

Ben Roethlisberger Sued For Sex Crime – 60 Points

big_benBen Roethlisberger has just been named as the defendant in a civil lawsuit alleging sexual assault.  The story broke late last night.

Andrea McNulty is his accuser.  She claims she was called up to his hotel room to fix a TV and was then forced to have sex with him.  This is all over a year ago, mind you.  And there were no criminal charges filed, obviously… so it seems a bit fishy.  But when major athletes are accused of stuff this scandalous, you can be sure there will be media coverage galore–along with distractions for the Super Bowl champion Steelers to start out the season.

A brief check on our points page shows that this event scores a whopping 60 poitns:

Athlete defendant or plaintiff in civil suit – 60

So… bad for Ben… good for you–if he’s on your roster and if our season had actually started.  I should probably tell you that our season here at Fantasy Unsports starts Tuesday, September 1, 2009.  That’s near the end of the Preseason (there will actually be preseason games the 3rd and the 4th, and then the regular NFL schedule begins).

Posted by: commissioner | July 13, 2009

Derrick Mason Retires – 35 Points

masonDerrick Mason has decided to retire.

That’s bad news for Ravens fans, as they lose the most consistent go-to guy in their receiving corps.  It’s good news, however, for the likes of you–if our season were actually underway, and Mason was on your roster… you’d be 35 points richer.

By the way, in the event a player on your FantasyUnsports roster retires mid-season, you get the points for that, and you’re allowed to claim a new player off waivers without it costing you a waiver move.  Sweet!

Posted by: commissioner | July 13, 2009

Antonio Cromartie Blames Kids, Scores You 20

cromartieIf Antonio Cromartie’s play last season was less than impressive to you, he’d like you to know it’s all his kids’ fault.  All seven of them… and their various mothers.

Here’s a quote:

“Last year my head wasn’t in there,” Cromartie said. “I was dealing with my kids and their moms. It had my mind somewhere else.”

Well, yes… with seven kids in five states, and five paternity suits… I think that would indeed count as an official “distraction.”  Sadly, for Cromartie, it’s a distraction that is entirely within his own control.  To stay focused this year, he just needs to buy some condoms.  If he does that… I predict 15 interceptions!

Oh, and blaming your family for your poor play?  That’s 20 points.

Posted by: commissioner | July 13, 2009

Tony Romo & Jessica Simpson Break Up, Nations Mourn

romoIs it just me, or has the headline “Tony Romo & Jessica Simpson Break Up” been long overdue for about 18 months now?

At any rate… Barbie & Ken have called it quits, and if our season had started already (and you had Romo on your Fantasy Unsports roster), you’d be 15 points closer to victory.

And while all five Jessica Simpson fans are now battling serious depression… Tony Romo fans are probably doing cartwheels.

Who will be the next NFL player to make news via a breakup?  Will he be on your roster?

Posted by: commissioner | July 10, 2009

Chargers’ Backup RB Shot – 40 Points

gunSan Diego’s backup running back, Curtis Brinkly, was shot in his car early this morning in Philadelphia.

Ouch.  I bet that hurt.

Looking over my points list, I see that I don’t yet have “Athlete is shot” among the Point Qualifying Events… shame on me.

Under the current list, though, this event would still earn you 40 points… for Non-Sports-Related Injury.

I shall immediately amend the PQE list to add a shooting injury.

Is anyone still in doubt as to whether or not there will be enough off-the-field events for this game to succeed?

Posted by: commissioner | July 10, 2009

Brandon Jacobs Tells It Like It Is… Bashes Romo

jacobsBrandon Jacobs is a guy that doesn’t exactly filter his thoughts all the time.  If our Fantasy UnSports season had already begun, he’d have earned you points today by badmouthing an opposing team’s player… namely Tony Romo.

Jacobs doesn’t feel that Romo’s a very good quarterback, and so he said so.

Stay classy, Brandon.

Posted by: commissioner | July 9, 2009

That Was Fast – No Tweets For NFL Players During Games

nfltwitterChad OchoCinco has a knack for singlehandedly creating new NFL rules through his words and actions.

Word comes today from the NFL that players will be forbidden to use Twitter during games.

Awww.  Poor Wittle Chad.  He’ll have to “take it to the next level” in some other way… such as… oh, I don’t know… playing really good football or something.

Posted by: commissioner | July 8, 2009

Chad OchoCinco Might Score You Some Points

chadChad OchoCinco–boy do I hate writing that–is likely to score you points this year if you put him on your roster.  He has a history of fines, antics, speaking out against his coach, and other silly things.

He has now said he plans to Twitter before, during, and after games this year. Excellent.  That’s a man with priorities right there.

If his coach doesn’t put the kibosh on this before the season, expect to see some “point qualifying events” (PQE’s) from Chad this season.  Heck, even if the Twitter thing never happens, I guarantee you he’ll score some Fantasy UnSports owners some points throughout the season, just by virtue of being himself.

Because our Fantasy UnSports season has yet to begin… I have added some Twitter-related items to our PQE list over on the points page.

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »